Building on your relationships (Perceptual TEA)
Perceptual Positions
There are at least three different perspectives that we can take when thinking about a relationship: Self, Other, & Observer.
Self Position is when we experience an interaction through our own filters, looking through our own eyes, listening through our own ears, and feeling our own emotions.
Other Position is when we experience an interaction through the other person’s filters, looking as through their eyes, listening as though through their ears, and feeling, as much as possible, their emotions.
Observer Position is when we take the outsider position looking at, and listening to, the two of them over there dispassionately and compassionately, and becoming aware of other times when they have behaved in this way, knowing that unless one of them changes they will repeat this pattern again and again.
Most of us have a preference for one or other of these positions whereas in fact it would be far better if we developed the ability to shift among them so that Self becomes more resourceful improving the situation for both people and enriching the relationship.
I show you how to shift more easily between these perspectives on Perceptual Positions.
T.E.A. Model
The T.E.A. Model consists of the three elements that we use to process situations and interactions: Thoughts (what we think and believe), Emotions (what we feel and value) and Actions (what we say and do).
We all have a favourite mode through which we filter experiences and we are often surprised when the other person has a mode different to our favourite one. If we recognise the other person’s mode we can then adjust our communication so that we match theirs. Simply by listening to the other person’s language we can work out their preference. The most obvious things to listen out for are “I think”, “I feel”, “I do”, and the many variations of these that give us clues.
You can also do this for yourself. Listen to what you are saying to yourself, for example, and this will tell you a lot. Are you saying supportive things or things that will limit you? What you will do in difficult situation or what you can’t do? It’s your choice.
Also, as the elements of the T.E.A. are also constantly influencing each other; for example, changing the way that you talk to yourself will affect the way that you feel.
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